I have done a lot of thinking this summer and some healthy introspection. And those of you who know me, I do not do well with introspection. I would rather get my teeth cleaned at the dentist. I like to make up my mind and move forward. No dilly-dallying. No second opinions. Not even sleeping on it. I just like to fix the problem and move on.
But for some reason God has asked me to stop, to wait, to sit in the mud for a while and get a bigger, better perspective on things. His perspective.
I am not a huge fan of mud. I tend to like ball gowns.
I have done an excellent job at finding something, anything, to occupy my time instead of thinking and self-reflection. For instance, I have become extremely proficient at not working out. Also, I am now a professional at toe-inflicted trauma. And lastly, I have caught up on every TV show that has ever been created. And let me tell you, when you can carry on an intelligent conversation about someone named "Snookie," you know something needs to change.
So, after all the stalling, I have realized that I have a few things to work on. Dang it.
I want to be more passionate. About life, about friends, about family, about God. All of it.
I need to learn to say no. I am so not good at this. I should practice more.
When I am blue, I need to choose NOT to eat brownies. At least not the entire pan.
I want to be more brave and adventurous.
I am so tired of competing with myself, with other girls, with Hollywood, with life. I am officially out of the race.
I would love to be married. And I would love to have a bucket of kids. But I don't need to be rescued. I don't need to be saved from singleness. I just want someone to live my life with...and I am happy to wait as long as possible to find the right person.
It is okay if I don't have it all together. Because truth is, I don't. Not even close. Don't let me fool you. I need you to see past those 12 years of acting classes.
I am finally okay with the fact that I have no plans to hike. Ever.
Those are just a few of the many things that rolled around in my brain this summer. But don't let them scare you. I am still the same girl who breaks her own toe while driving, sings "Faithfully" at weddings and sticks her face in bowls of cookie dough. But thankfully God doesn't allow us to stay stuck for too long. He has a way of hosing off the mud and giving us a new perspective. He's good like that.