Okay, don't be alarmed. I am still alive. But I do have a humdinger of a story to tell you.
However, before I do this, let's get some context. Context is important with this tale.
For the last 30 years of my life, I have been plagued or blessed with what is known as "Lack of Temper." That's right. It isn't there. I just can't get mad.
Sure, I have tried. As a kid, I would cry and then hold my breath and pass out. That went over well with my parents. The first time I did it my mom thought I had died. When I tried it again, she just rolled her eyes.
In high school, I once stormed off stage during a rehersal for a musical and demanded, DEMANDED, why my headpiece kept falling off during the middle of my song! Seriously. Who were the costume people? Teenagers?
Actually yes, yes they were. And it included my sister.
But I felt impassioned to let them know that a wonky headpiece was NOT acceptable, especially for such a musical as "Pippin." (Side note: who in the world does "Pippin" in high school?)
And there have been other times that I have acted mad, enraged or angry, but in reality, I just can't muster it. I have no temper.
I know it is Biblical. I mean, Jesus got angry. He was full of righteous anger and drove out the money changers and what not. So I suppose I should take that as my cue and get mad. Down and dirty mad.
And I know, I KNOW, I should be mad when my Sooners, the pride and glory of all Oklahoma, can't throw a pass, make a sack, or walk and chew gum at the same time. Seriously. There is no excuse Bob Stoops, NO EXCUSE! (Capitalizing words makes me feel like I am conveying anger. Is it working?)
But it just doesn't happen. Sure, I am frustrated, but not mad.
I guess I am just too mellow...or too happy...or dead.
HOWEVER, there was one time, ONE TIME, that I actually did lose my cool. I didn't fly off the handle, I didn't yell and shout, but I did speak sternly. And I made some serious eye contact.
So, please keep all of this in mind as we head into the next few posts about how I almost got axed in France by dude who made me lose my cool. It's intense people, INTENSE.