It's confession time, people. And what I am about to tell you could very well make or break your undying devotion to me and this blog. No doubt, it could rock your world.
Are you ready?
Here we go: I once sang "Faithfully" by Journey in a wedding. By myself. Without a wind machine. Without permed hair. Behind a pulpit. During the daylight hours.
Are you still there?
Do you need a back story?
Okay, here it is:
When I was a freshman in college, I met a guy named Ryan Herboldsheimer. He grew up on a farm in northeast Colorado and loved John Deere tractors and Walmart. Naturally, we became friends. He was funny and awkward and smart and weird all at the same time.
I think he could possibly be a long-lost cousin.
Once, a group of us even went with him to his parents' farm for a weekend where I perhaps had the best homemade biscuit on the planet. ON THE PLANET. His parent's called me "SarahDell," as in one word, that was my name. I loved it.
Now one day Ryan met, courted and fell in love with a girl named Lara. And a few days after that, he decided to propose to her. She said yes.
Side Note: Attention possible suitors! That's how it works.
By the time Ryan and Lara had gotten engaged, I had transferred colleges and only saw Ryan on occasion. And when we had officially reached adulthood, graduated from school and had accumulated millions of dollars in college debt, I lost touch with Ryan, figuring he and Lara had ridden their tractor off into the sunset.
Until one blessed day I got a phone call from Ryan. I was in graduate school in Denver and he and Lara, still engaged, were living in Greeley. He called to ask me if I would sing in their upcoming wedding.
Now, let's stop right there, peeps. Let's just have a little chat about me singing in public. I am not a singer. Nope, not at all. Yes, I can carry a tune. And yes, I burst out into song quite often. And yes, I have been in a musical or two. BUT I DO NOT LIKE SINGING IN PUBLIC. Yet for some unknown reason, I have sung in seven weddings. SEVEN. What's the deal with that? Do you want your guests to get up and walk out?
So, for yet another unknown reason, I agreed to sing in Ryan's wedding. He suggested we meet for dinner to discuss their song choice. At dinner, he presented me with a CD that read "Faithfully" on it. I thought, "Oh, how cute! I am sure this will be a song about marriage and commitment and Jesus and la la la."
Needless to say, I was wrong.
Hey, I'm a 90's girl, remember? And my parents home schooled me for a few years.
When I got to my car, I popped it in and my initial response was sheer panic. For starters, I am not Steve Perry. Second, Ryan is not a music man on the road so why in the world does this song relate to their relationship? Third, are you kidding me? JOURNEY? Sung by a GIRL? At a WEDDING??
When I told my brother and his friends about this upcoming solo performance, they demanded that it be recorded and that either a fog or a wind machine be going at all times while I sing. And if I could wear leather pants and get a perm that would be ideal.
When the day of the wedding rolled around, I was nervous, sweating and wishing I were dead. And by the time the ceremony started, I thought that I may very well puke on a bridesmaid. Thankfully, that did not happen, but what did happen is a total blur. All I know is that I sang the song, behind a pulpit, with a 70 year-old piano player at 3:00 in the afternoon. And I did not wear leather pants.
Afterwards, an elderly lady came up to me and said that was one of the prettiest songs she had ever heard. Someone else asked me if Ryan and Lara had changed the lyrics. Yes, yes they had. And yes, yes they were even more cheesy than the original ones.
And to top it all off, Ryan and Lara paid me to sing. PAID. ME. I think that made it worse.
So, there you have it. I will understand if you never talk to me again. And no, I will not sing it for you the next time I see you.