Monday, May 3, 2010

Top Ten: Things I Hope I Never Have To Do Again. Ever.

Hello everyone!! Thanks for your favorite movie quotes...they were awesome. And now I need to stay home from work and rent all of the movies you mentioned.

And now, here are the things I hope I never, ever, ever have to do again. NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

10. Clean my bathroom. I hate it. I mean, I try to do it once a week but why can't Claire do it? Shouldn't that be part of being the younger sister? Yes. Yes it should be.

9. Eat unidentifiable meat in foreign countries. I think I have eaten camel, yak, water buffalo and perhaps a dog. But I am not sure, hence "unidentifiable." It makes a girl want to eat tofu.

8. Watch "Clash of the Titans," the new one that is in the movie theaters right now. I wasted two hours of my life and $10. And for what? A whole lot of nothing. And if you liked it, I would like a three paragraph essay as to why you did. Thank you.

7. Try the E-Harmony Free Chat Weekend. Talk about AWKWARD. I felt like I was marketing myself to a world of men who can't get up enough nerve to ask me out or who only date virtual cyber women. Why can't I just have a cup of coffee with someone who doesn't post a picture of themselves shirtless or who say "I love to work-out" as their favorite past time? Side note: If you met your spouse on E-Harmony, I am extremely happy for you.

6. Hike up a mountain. Seriously people, why do you climb all day just to turn around and climb down? Overrated.

5. Hobble around on crutches for five months and therefore not being able to drive, where high heels or take a normal shower. I did get some big guns from all the "crutching" but they are gone now and I am still left with sore arm pits and a little bit of bitterness. And one less bone in my right foot.

4.  Have 30 teeth pulled. That's right, 30. And no, I don't wear dentures. I have had enough pudding to last a life time.

3. Have my nose broken on stage in front of 300 people. I will have to explain this story in greater detail later, but let's just say that I had to wear a nose cast to take my ACT and I blame my score on my inability to breathe through either nostril.

2. Accidentally backing my grandpa's pick-up door into a pole. I really wanted Jesus to return at that very moment. Good thing I have the nicest grandpa in the world and an over-active tear duct. Even ten years later that drivers-side door is a little bit shinier than the rest of the truck. It is so very haunting.

1. Eat only boiled chicken, cabbage and tomatoes in an attempt to lose 10 pounds. I still can't eat cabbage like I use to and who in the WIDE, WIDE WORLD can stand to eat boiled chicken? I mean, can't you at least put some BBQ sauce on it? Or a little salt? And let's just say that those 10 pounds found their way back to my hips in three nano-seconds once I rediscovered my love for lasagna.

Oh man, there are so many more things but I will stop right there.  What are some of yours?  I bet if you type them out you'll feel much better. This blog is here for you. Consider me your online counselor. And the first session is free of charge.


  1. 1. touch a snake. the one time i did it was one time too many for me.

    2. go on a no carb diet. all i ate was grilled chicken, jello, and bacon. i think i smelled like bacon the whole time. ew.

    3. eat canned chicken. it was like mystery cafeteria meat all over again.

    4. get my wisdom teeth taken out. PTL that i can say for sure!

    5. walk around New Orleans in the summer. i almost melted.

  2. 1. have a colonoscopy (brutal)

    2. any kind of dental work

    3. say goodbye to a loved one

    4. bury a favorite pet

    5. work at a job I hate

    6. listen to idiots talk of Scientology

    7. have another emergency c section

    8. confess a really stupid, selfish sin to my God and ask his forgiveness. (so thankful I can but it is really humbling to explain why it sounded good at the time even though you knew better.)

    9. live a day on earth without knowing God as my Lord and Savior.

    10. hear my babies cry or see fear on their face.

  3. In no particular order . . .

    1. participate in an evacuation

    2. find a snake on my doorstep---or anywhere else in my house

    3. have both knees operated on at the same time

    4. travel for a month and spend no more than 2 nights in any given place

    5. be far away from my family when they're going through crisis

  4. AnonymousMay 04, 2010

    Go to the ER for a migraine.
    Zipline across a vast ravine.
    Try to explain to hoteliers in Italy why to unstick an elevator containing my mother so that I can go home. That was fun.

  5. i thought of another one: eat Carp (the fish). Ew, NASTY!!!

  6. AnonymousMay 04, 2010

    I guess that Anonymous must be Claire. Anyway....

    1. Be stuck in a broken down tour bus in the fast lane of the highway in the middle of nowhere in China with no air conditioning, and the doors and windows will not open,

    2. Fly in any type of small aircraft.

    3. In addition to that...take of in a plane from Nashville when a tornado is on the ground 15 miles away.

    4. Eat at an outdoor buffet at some random place in Mexico.(Can we say Moctezuma"s revenge)

    5. Kiss another man.;)(I hope)

    6. Try to camp by the ocean without understanding tide tables.

    7. I hope that I don't have to add giving birth to this list, but I'll let you know in 2 months. Ahh!!!!


  7. In no particular order:

    1. Play team sports
    2. Take a final exam
    3. Spend 24 hours in labor (note: I specified a particular timefame because I will gladly have another baby, it would just be nice not to be in labor THAT long!)
    4. Morning sickness (again, gladly would be pregnant, just skip the sick part)
    5. Go into debt
    6. Lose someone I love to cancer
    7. Sign up for e-Harmony. Glad I met Mike there, don't care to EVER go through all that craziness again!
    8. Lose a job
    9. Go to jail for no particularly good reason (or for a good reason either!)
    10. I think #9 counts as two!