So, this actually happened:
It is a baking miracle!
I found frosting on my arm this morning AFTER I had already taken a shower. I would call that a total success...or questionable showering. Whichever.
And I didn't even catch myself on fire, although I did drop a lemon seed into the frosting and it took me a really long time to find it. I am just hoping there was only one.
Thanks for all the cheerleading. I have a few extras if you want one.