You Are Never Too Cool To Fall Into A Fountain

Listen up, folks. I have some words of wisdom for you: You are never too cool to fall into a fountain in front of strangers who don't speak your language and have your left shoe fill up with water while your right knee swells to the size of a grapefruit and you wish you could just run away really fast but you are almost certain you broke a body part or two.

You are never too cool.

Last week I had some free time after my work for the day was finished. So I decided to take a little stroll down by the water and look for a new Magnum bar flavor I had yet to try. Priorities people, priorities.

Running parallel to the water was a long park. This park was tree-lined and quaint with lots of park benches. Instead of grass in the middle, there was a long canal-shaped water feature. And every 50 yards there would be a large, volcanic water fountain that would gush water down its sides and run into the canal. And of course all of this was covered in tile because this was, after all, Portugal, and Portugal is known for its tile work. It was a very beautiful park.

On this particular day, I had put on jeans and flats. I almost wore tennis shoes but I was trying to blend in. And nothing screams "tourist" like tennis shoes.

Oh, hindsight. You are a tricky, tricky thing.

As I was strolling along, I noticed that a group of high-school kids had congregated around one of the volcano water fountains and they were directly in my path. The only way around them was to cut a wide berth (Does that sound funny? Who says "wide berth" these days?) around them, almost leaving the park completely.

Well, I did not want to do this. I was an adult, after all, and these were high schoolers. Although there is something a little intimidating (even at my age) about a group of high school kids, I didn't want to back down and walk around them. It was a challenge, whether they knew it or not. So I just kept walking.

Pride cometh...does it not?

By the time I reached the largest group of them, I noticed the only way around them was if I slipped past three or four guys who were standing at the edge of the canal, right where the volcano met the canal. No problem, I will be stealthy and on my way.

I should have known this wouldn't work because when in my ENTIRE LIFE have I ever been stealthy?

NEVER. I have NEVER EVER been stealthy.

Just as I was mid-step around the group of guys, my left foot slipped and went right into the canal, scraping my leg the entire way down. My right knee came down hard on the tile and my hands went down to ensure I didn't face-plant into the volcano. At that moment, the guy closest to me let out a yell and bent down to help me up, grabbing me under my arm pits and talking to me in Portuguese.

The shock of it caused me to stay still for what seemed like a full minute, even though I am sure it was a split second. Every ounce of my being wanted to jump up and smile and laugh it off but it was physically impossible to move since I was almost certain I had a broken knee cap. I also knew that if I moved too quickly, I could slip again and I knew my bruised ego really couldn't handle that. Neither could my knees.

Actually, what I really wanted was the last five seconds of my life back. Unfortunately, I don't know how to do that.

Finally, I had regained my balance enough to let the poor kid help me up where I immediately mumbled something to him, trying to avoid eye contact with every person within a four block radius of me. As quickly as I could, which wasn't quick AT ALL, I hobbled away with a sloshy left leg and a right knee that seemed to bend backwards.

All I could think of was, "I think I may be seriously injured. I hate having one wet shoe. Are my knees supposed to make that noise? Why did I ever come to this stupid country? I need my mom."

Once I was a safe distance away (read: none of them could see me), I sat down and tried to figure out who I could blame for this entire incident. Unfortunately, I had no one to blame but myself and the dumb, wet tiles.

Somehow, I managed to limp back to the hotel, finding a delicious hazelnut-filled Magnum bar along the way. Nothing soothes a bruised ego like a little ice cream. However, nothing soothes bruised knees like a couple of ice packs and a bottle of ibuprofen. And a phone call to my mom.

Like I said, you are never too cool.

I Finally Found Lisbon

I am back, my friends. I am home and under the covers, recovering from something that feels like the flu and the left overs of jet lag. But not to worry, I have plenty of Hulu to catch up on.

I wanted to tell you that I finally found Lisbon, you know, the one I thought I would see with the tiled roofs and quaint streets and cafes?

It was hiding, right smack-dab in the middle of downtown. Who knew?

Apparently everyone.

Seriously, this town is so beautiful.

Even their laundry is picturesque.

How come mine isn't? I have a pile of it on my floor right now and it looks nothing like this.

And they have big plaza/arch/square things. This one in particular runs right into the sea. It is fabulous in every way.

Littleton needs something like this. Both the arch and the sea.

Thankfully, Lisbon and Littleton do have something in common.

Do you see it?

It could be the most beautiful Starbucks ever.

It costs 5 Euro for a carmel macchiato and it is worth every penny...or whatever Euro pennies are called.

Not So Glamorous

Just in case you think I live a glamorous life, here are a few fun facts you should know:

1. Last night I bought two slices of pizza from Pizza Hut and ate them on the floor of my hotel room while I watched a movie with subtitles.

2. I bought a new scarf from a street vendor and it smells like body odor and death. I washed it in the bathroom sink with shampoo and let it air-dry outside of the window of my hotel room and it still makes me gag. I am thinking that a girl who has funktified stench wrapped around her neck will be a hit among the fellas, don't you?

3. I slipped on some wet tile in a park and fell down hard on my right knee. A high school boy helped me up. He kept talking to me in Portuguese and I all I could do was mumble "thank you" and hobble away. I swallowed my pride with a hazelnut Magnum bar.

4. They sell colored toilet paper here. Like turquoise and magenta and even black. One roll costs 7 Euros. I would love to know what you think about this.

5. The humidity has made my hair look like a tumbleweed on steroids. It is awesome in every way.

And on that note...Happy Good Friday, peeps!

The Charm of the Less-Traveled

For the weeks leading up to this trip, I tried to do as much research as possible on Portugal and the city of Lisbon. And I have to admit that although Portugal has beautiful coastlines, friendly people and great food, there isn't anything particularly famous about it, especially in comparison to its Eurpean neighbors.

I find that there is something very charming about that.

On Sunday, a few of us who had arrived early decided to take an open-air bus tour of the city.  The day was gorgeous and thankfully no wayward bird deposits landed on me during the ride.

SIDE NOTE: Did you know that once a renegade seagull dive-bombed my head when I was in Barcelona? True story. It was so disgusting and paralyzing. I just stood there trying to find a way track down that bird and barbeque it.

Anywho, I snapped some pictures of this beautiful city and some of the more historic sites it has to offer...

...such as Lisbon's oldest bull fighting ring.

One thing that is prevelent is the national pride of Portugal's many explorers, such as Vasco de Gama, Magellan and many others whose names I don't remember. Everywhere you go you see homages to these men who braved the seas in search of new lands. And as a result of these adventures, there are 9 countries in the world that speak Portuguese.

This particular monument is known as the Monument of the Discoveries.

Another fun fact is that the Portuguese love their pork.

Mmmm...tasty. Wendi and I even tried ham-flavored chips. Not too shabby.

But the most famous monument in all of Lisbon is the Torre de Belem, or the Belem Tower.

It was built from 1512-1515 and marked the starting point for all of Portugal's explorers.

It is situated at the mouth of the river and the Atlantic Ocean and became the symbol for the era of Portuguese expansion.

SIDE NOTE: The tower is not really that big...those are mini-sailboats helmed by children.

And that is my ginormous head. It looks like I have two black eyes but I just call them "jet" and "lag."

This tower is so small yet so detailed in its design. It is a must-see if you are ever in Portugal!

We have already finished our sessions for today so this afternoon we are taking a tour of the older part of the city and St. George's castle. I have no idea who George is.

And I also plan on eating a Magnum bar or two.

What are you up to today?

My Room with a View

For our week in Portugal, we are staying in a fabulous hotel called the Hotel Tivoli. It is amazing in every way. They have several around the world and I would highly recommend them if you ever need a place to stay the night.They are modern and clean and serve amazingly huge breakfasts every morning. What is not to love?

Plus they have extremely handsome men who work at the front desk and remember your name. After I had first arrived, I went back downstairs to ask how to hook up the internet in the room. One in particular greeted me by saying, "Well hello Sarah. How is your room?"

In which I replied, "My room is perfect, thank you. Would you like to dance with me in the lobby?"

Only half of that is true.

Of course this would be incredibly romantic if he only memorized MY name but I am almost certain it is part of his job description and I am sure my  40+ colleagues have received the same treatment.

Darn it.

Anyway, here is a small tour for you. Wendi and I are living it up on the 15th floor (they have a floor 0 here). It is pretty spectacular!

Pay no attention to me in the mirror. I tried to stand like the Pioneer Woman does in all of her hotel pics but I just looked lopsided.

Our bathroom is beautiful! It is a dark marine blue with white and silver accents. I could live in there.

And here is the Tejo River that runs into the sea. The bridge in the background is one of the longest in the world. And those white dots you see hovering above the ground are little gondolas that go up and down the coast so you can a better view of the water and the coastline.

I am pretty sure I have a better view than they do!

Just to the right of this picture is the Oceanarium and it is said to rival that of the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

This is the view to the left side of our window. We are in the very modern, trendy part of the city. And that bridge in the background is part of the long bridge that goes over the river/ocean above.

We began the conference this afternoon and I managed to sneak in a few one-liners. And I may or may not have worn sequins. Afterward, after I climbed the 16 flights of stairs from Hades, I found myself with no dinner plans so I went down to the hotel restaurant and sat by the window watching the people hurry by in the pouring rain. I felt very introspective and European which doesn't happen often for this extroverted, wanna-be cowgirl. And I also enjoyed the most glorious meal of a Greek salad followed by creme brulee. My boss and his wife joined me for dessert and we didn't leave the restaurant until 10:15. A stellar evening in every way.

Tomorrow is our first full day of the conference. We have Associates here from five countries and volunteers from several states. They are an amazing group of people so I know my tap routine has to be spot-on tomorrow!

Talk to you later!

Oh, P.S. My spellcheck only works in Portuguese. If you see a typo, feel free to contact my agent.

Diet? What Diet?

I have been in Portugal for 32 hours and thus far I have eaten:

Chocolate
French fries
Ice cream
A Magnum bar
Custard pastry
Steak
Hamburger
Pasta
Peanut butter
Fruit
Coffee

To counter this massive caloric intake, I have:

Walked. A ton.
Climbed the stairs to my hotel room on the 16th floor.
Walked some more.
Thought about working out.

Level of guilt I feel:

ZERO.

Guilt-free, caloric-laden travel is the only way to go.

Welcome to Portugal

I have landed in Portugal! A few things to share with you:

1.  I slept on the plane without my neck pillow. Isn't God great? And I didn't drool.

2.  I can see the ocean from my room.

3.  The people are warm and friendly

4.  The weather is fabulous and sunny.

5.  They sell Magnum bars on every street corner

6.  They also have an H&M right across the street.

7.  And I was greeted in the lobby by a man wearing an itsy bitsy bathrobe and the hairiest legs the good Lord has ever created. I have no idea why he was wearing a bathrobe nor do I know why he was in the lobby, but there he was, in all his hairy leg wonder. They were magnificent. I tried to look away but I couldn't. I will blame the jet lag.

8.  So far, this trip has been a success! More to come after I hit the hay.