My New, Red, Shiny Toy

Oh peeps. Stand back for this one.

There are no words to describe what showed up at my house last week.

NO WORDS.

I heard a knock on the door...

And in walked my friend Lizz...

Carrying a very big, very heavy box.

With a bow on top.

It is the color of an OU Sooner football helmet.

It is beautiful. And shiny. And functional...my three favorite things.

I love it.

How did she know I wanted it?

I don't think I have ever mentioned it...

I am going to use it for everything: brownies, cookies, cakes, breads...

Even my cereal. I mean, who doesn't need a ginormous machine to make sure their cereal is properly mixed ?

Exactly.

I am complete in every possible culinary way.

Thank you Lizzy. You are too good to me.

A Guy Actually Reads This Blog

I would like to give a personal shout-out to my big brother for signing up to be the first guy (to my knowledge) to receive an alert when I post something on my blog. I think he is trying to earn some brownie points for Christmas.

Or perhaps he is finally feeling guilty for telling me I was adopted.

Or maybe it is to make up for the fact that he knocked out my two front teeth...on separate occasions.

Or maybe he just wants to know what I am saying about him to the WORLD WIDE WEB.

Regardless, welcome aboard, bro! You already know about the insanity that goes on in my world, now you get to read about it daily. And don't be afraid when I mention Spanx. They are every woman's best friend.

Feel free to give him a word of encouragement. Or a word of warning. Whichever.

A List: Hoodlums, Mouthguards and First Dates

Hello world! I have returned to the land of the living and am now back in a normal routine of working, socializing, gallivanting, baking, running, Christmas-ing, shopping, Hulu-ing and sleeping. The meetings were a huge success and we managed to get through an entire week without any fist fights, which has never actually happened before but I just thought I would write that so you might think we are a pack of hoodlums who want to bring the love of Jesus to the world.

Humanitarian Hoodlums should be the name of our organization. I oversee communications, I could make that happen.

I digress.

In order to get my thoughts and life put in order once again, I have come up with a list of the many, many random things that are on my mind. Try not to be overwhelmed.

1. Tomorrow is supposed to be 67 degrees. Did you get that? 6-7. I think I may go ask my condo manager to open the pool.

2. I am wearing a purple sweater today. I am totally digging purple these days.

3. I had zero clothes to wear this weekend. Then I discovered they were all in my dirty clothes hamper. I have no idea how they got there because I could have sworn I was paying Claire to wash them for me. I may have to fire her.

4. I have two sore shoulders. My right one only works if I raise my arm to the side. My left one only works if I raise my arm to the front. This makes fixing my hair very, very interesting. I am thinking I need to get this checked out, otherwise I'll probably be running like Phoebe with her arms straight down at her side. That will be awesome and awkward at the same time.

5. Claire and I decorated our condo this weekend. It is both tasteful and understated...which actually means we tried to decorate as cheaply as possible and thus raided my mom's decorations box that has both tasteful and understated decorations.

6. I still have a pumpkin in my living room.

7. I made 3,209 Oreo Balls this weekend. I may or may not have eaten most of them.

8. My roommate and I are watching a Christmas movie every week. This week: White Christmas. We may have to bust out "Sisters." You are invited to watch it with us be we will be charging admission for the live show.

9. I have to go to the dentist today to get fitted for a mouth guard. Apparently I need to look like a hockey player while I sleep because I have the terrible habit of clenching and grinding my teeth. Potential suitors are already lining up outside my door.

10. I am thinking of doing a series, much to the encouragement of my friend Melissa, about awkward first dates. Raise your hand if you have had one or forty? Awesome. If you would like to submit an account of an awkward first date, I will be happy to post it on my blog for the world to read. I am hoping this is a very therapeutic process for all of us.

11. Merry Christmas.

12. The End.

Insanity and Shininess

First off, let's start with the insanity. Twice a year all the big wigs from around the world convene in my office for a week. Everyday we hash through the good, the bad, and the ugly of sending Jesus-loving professionals half-way around the world to bring hope to the hopeless. We talk about everything from terrorism to homeschooling. It is IN-TENSE, people. IN-TENSE.

Needless to say, I am in the midst of day three of one of those weeks, hence my complete lack of blogging. However you will be happy to hear that I haven't busted out a Sharpie on any of my shoes this week. Yet.

I promise to return, in full force, once I figure out who I am and what time it is. All I know is that I am head over heels in love with my bed. Mad, mad love.

On a much brighter and shinier note, I received an early Christmas gift from my amazing friend Lizzy. It is red. Shiny. Bright. Beautiful. And I may sleep with it tonight.

I am not even kidding.

Pictures coming soon.

A Little Bit Hillbilly, A Little Bit Classy

Last week I wore one of my fave pairs of heels to work. You would love them, trust me. As I was getting settled for the day, I looked down and to my ABSOLUTE HORROR I realized that both of the toes were extremely scuffed and one had a scuffed racing stripe down the side.

I mean, can you even believe it? It is amazing I show my face around here anymore.

So as I sat there, trying to figure out how I could run home real quick and change clothes without missing a meeting I had in approximately 3.6 minutes, I glanced over and my eye caught something magical: A Sharpie.

I am almost too embarrassed to tell you what transpired for the next two minutes, although I am sure you can imagine. I sat there, in my office, without shoes on, hunched over my heels, Sharpie in hand, coloring like a kindergartner.

Oh I did.

And when it was time to go to my meeting, I looked down and marveled at my amazing handy work, and thought I just may be the classiest, high-heel wearing hillbilly this side of the Mississippi. Or, maybe I am the female version of MacGyver.

You be the judge. Either way, my shoes look fabulous!

Who Knew He Liked The Beef?

During my lunch break yesterday, I ran to Subway for a sandwich. As I was waiting in a very long line, I overheard the following conversation from an elderly couple who were dressed very well; her in a purple skirt suit and him in a dark gray suit. They were seated in a booth and were both eating ginormous sub sandwiches.

Her: "You ordered roast beef?"
Him: "Yes dear, I did."
Her: "Well then."

(Eat. Chew. Eat. Eat.)

Her: "Aren't you glad we got here when we did? Look at the line!" Points right at me.
Him: "What?"
Her: "The LINE. Look at the LINE." He looks and nods.

(Eat. Chew. Eat.)

Her: "I can't believe you ordered roast beef."
Him: "It's my favorite, dear."

( I slowly move up in line. I find a dime on the floor. My stomach growls.)

Her. "I just didn't know you liked the beef so much. Maybe I"ll get some for you for Saturday. And maybe some potato salad."

What in the world is happening on Saturday that requires not only roast beef BUT ALSO potato salad?! Don't you wish you knew? I am just thankful she finally realizes he loves his roast beef.

If this is what I have to look forward to when it is my turn to walk down the aisle, then I am totally in. After a half of a century, if I can still learn new things about my husband, then something is working right!

Blogging about Peanut Butter

Hey Friends! I am guest blogging for my wonderful friend Sheryl who recently had foot surgery. You should TOTALLY check it out because I talk about peanut butter and stretchy pants.

And stay tuned to her blog, she writes about the coolest places and people in the world!

Here are Sheryl and I in Rabat, Morocco. Don't you love how we match?

Thanks for the privilege, Sheryl! Feel better soon!