The GDE: A Date with the Textinator

(Holy cow. I did not intend to take a fall break from blogging but I have been without the internet for a few days, and lo, no new posts. Thanks for hanging in there with me. )

I figured it was time to update you on the Great Dating Experiment! I am sure you have all wondered how well it is going or how often I have spoke in a southern accent.

SIDE NOTE: I speak in a southern accent when I am nervous. Charming, I know.

It has already been a month and I can officially state for the record that I absolutely do not like online dating.

Yes, it is an exercise in courage.

Yes, it is an exercise in keeping an open mind

Yes, it is an exercise in vulnerability.

And yes, it is an exercise in trying not to be terrified by all the crazy, lazy wacko men out there.

However, I continue to persevere because I do not give up easily and because the site automatically charged my credit card again. Regardless, I am back at it for another month, with a variety of prospective suitors and one date under my belt.

So, let me tell you about this date.

It started last week when a guy, that I later deemed "The Textinator," sent me an email. Now Tex (as we will now call him) was nice and funny and complimentary and pursued me with a refreshing tenacity. On the first day, which was Thursday, after we had chatted that evening, he had already asked me out on a date for Sunday evening.

Let me tell you, I was TOTALLY IMPRESSED with his pursuit. I come from a world where guys my age want to pseudo-date you by asking you to "hang out" and leave you wondering if you are just friends or almost engaged. Ambiguity seems to be the method of choice in the dating world these days.

So when Tex came along and was honest and confident and charming, I was encouraged that this experiment may not be a total bust.

By Friday afternoon, he had texted me at work, asking me if I had a busy weekend. I explained that I had an extremely busy weekend but was looking forward to our date on Sunday. And then we proceeded to text back and forth throughout the day.

By Friday night, however, he had texted me 50 times, asking me if I wanted to hang out before our date. I texted him back saying I was extremely busy but was looking forward to our date on Sunday.

By Saturday, he had texted nearly 100 times, called and left me a message, asking me yet again if I would like to hang out before our date but I told him that I was extremely busy but I would see him on Sunday.

By Sunday morning, he had texted almost 150 times, called again, and again wondered if I would like to hang out before our date. At that point, I didn't even respond. I was beginning to think that this guy was nuts and that perhaps I should bring a stun gun with me. What, exactly, was hard to understand about me being extremely busy? I began to cringe anytime my phone buzzed or beeped.

By the time our date rolled around, I was completely annoyed. All I wanted was for him to to still be breathing and to have a credit card in hand because you can GUARANTEE I was not paying for this meal!

SIDE NOTE: I know you may think that I was crazy for even going on this date. But I agreed to meet him in a busy restaurant while it was still light outside and about 24 people knew where I was and what he looked like.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I had absolutely zero expectations of how this date would unfold. What started off so promising on Thursday night had turned into a depressing texting circus by Sunday evening. However, I wanted to go through with it just to prove to myself that I could handle the dating world. And besides, I had washed my hair and it was looking fantastic.

He had already arrived and he met me at the door. I could tell he was very nervous. I was fairly relaxed because, you know, ZERO EXPECTATIONS, and we sat down at a table and began talking. I was surprised to find that he was much more normal in person than his texts made him out to be and we easily talked about politics, religion and family, two of the three things you should never discuss on a first date. He also told me that he loves tigers and showed me pictures of them on his phone.

So, there's that.

The meal lasted a little over an hour and yes, he did pay for the meal, which I thanked him for a couple of times. We both went our separate ways, him asking me if I would like to do this again sometime. I mumbled something and told him he knew how to contact me. Obviously.

I drove away completely ambivalent. It wasn't terrible, it wasn't amazing, it was just neutral. And I was thankful that he wasn't a psycho.

Early on Monday morning I had a text from him saying that he did not sense any chemistry between us. If there is ever an example of how important a first date can be, this is it. He went from hot to cold in a matter of hours. And since neither one of us can control chemistry, I texted him back saying I completely agree and wished him luck in finding the right girl.

That was, by far, the best text exchange we had had all weekend.

So, there you have it. One completely underwhelming date under my belt. Even though it was somewhat stressful, I am glad I did it. You always learn something from these experiences. And hopefully he learned how to control his texting thumbs the next time he decides to bombard/completely overwhelm date a girl.

Maybe ambiguity isn't so bad after all.