Since my date with Tex, I have been trying even harder at the online dating gig. I still do not enjoy it but I want to give it my all because if this doesn't work I don't want it to have been because of my lack of effort.
And if it does work, well then pigs will actually be flying.
Recently, I have had some seriously scary/funny conversations with a few of the guys on this site. I have decided to share a few of their questions or comments with you but also the responses I had in my head as I read them. Brace yourself, dear readers. These people are really real.
"Are you modest?"
Fiscally? Fashionably? Romantically? I am confused. And a little weirded out by that question.
"Your eyes are like the Atlantic Ocean and I wish I could swim in them."
Please don't. My optometrist would not like that.
"Do you own any firearms?"
Uhh, do you?
"I have to let you know that I dance like the guy on Hitch."
We should totally get married. (And yes, I totally wrote him back.)
"Your profile gave me a smile so I am giving you one in fair exchange."
I don't know what that means. And I am currently not smiling.
"Hi, I appreciate the importance of Christianity in your life. If you would consider someone of my age, kindly write back."
I appreciate your thoughtfulness and effort, but I am not ready to date a 43 year old. I am pretty sure I just graduated high school.
Scary stuff, peeps. Scary stuff. Dating is literally survival of the fittest.
And...Happy Halloween to you!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
The GDE: A Date with the Textinator
(Holy cow. I did not intend to take a fall break from blogging but I have been without the internet for a few days, and lo, no new posts. Thanks for hanging in there with me. )
I figured it was time to update you on the Great Dating Experiment! I am sure you have all wondered how well it is going or how often I have spoke in a southern accent.
SIDE NOTE: I speak in a southern accent when I am nervous. Charming, I know.
It has already been a month and I can officially state for the record that I absolutely do not like online dating.
Yes, it is an exercise in courage.
Yes, it is an exercise in keeping an open mind
Yes, it is an exercise in vulnerability.
And yes, it is an exercise in trying not to be terrified by all the crazy, lazy wacko men out there.
However, I continue to persevere because I do not give up easily and because the site automatically charged my credit card again. Regardless, I am back at it for another month, with a variety of prospective suitors and one date under my belt.
So, let me tell you about this date.
It started last week when a guy, that I later deemed "The Textinator," sent me an email. Now Tex (as we will now call him) was nice and funny and complimentary and pursued me with a refreshing tenacity. On the first day, which was Thursday, after we had chatted that evening, he had already asked me out on a date for Sunday evening.
Let me tell you, I was TOTALLY IMPRESSED with his pursuit. I come from a world where guys my age want to pseudo-date you by asking you to "hang out" and leave you wondering if you are just friends or almost engaged. Ambiguity seems to be the method of choice in the dating world these days.
So when Tex came along and was honest and confident and charming, I was encouraged that this experiment may not be a total bust.
By Friday afternoon, he had texted me at work, asking me if I had a busy weekend. I explained that I had an extremely busy weekend but was looking forward to our date on Sunday. And then we proceeded to text back and forth throughout the day.
By Friday night, however, he had texted me 50 times, asking me if I wanted to hang out before our date. I texted him back saying I was extremely busy but was looking forward to our date on Sunday.
By Saturday, he had texted nearly 100 times, called and left me a message, asking me yet again if I would like to hang out before our date but I told him that I was extremely busy but I would see him on Sunday.
By Sunday morning, he had texted almost 150 times, called again, and again wondered if I would like to hang out before our date. At that point, I didn't even respond. I was beginning to think that this guy was nuts and that perhaps I should bring a stun gun with me. What, exactly, was hard to understand about me being extremely busy? I began to cringe anytime my phone buzzed or beeped.
By the time our date rolled around, I was completely annoyed. All I wanted was for him to to still be breathing and to have a credit card in hand because you can GUARANTEE I was not paying for this meal!
SIDE NOTE: I know you may think that I was crazy for even going on this date. But I agreed to meet him in a busy restaurant while it was still light outside and about 24 people knew where I was and what he looked like.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I had absolutely zero expectations of how this date would unfold. What started off so promising on Thursday night had turned into a depressing texting circus by Sunday evening. However, I wanted to go through with it just to prove to myself that I could handle the dating world. And besides, I had washed my hair and it was looking fantastic.
He had already arrived and he met me at the door. I could tell he was very nervous. I was fairly relaxed because, you know, ZERO EXPECTATIONS, and we sat down at a table and began talking. I was surprised to find that he was much more normal in person than his texts made him out to be and we easily talked about politics, religion and family, two of the three things you should never discuss on a first date. He also told me that he loves tigers and showed me pictures of them on his phone.
So, there's that.
The meal lasted a little over an hour and yes, he did pay for the meal, which I thanked him for a couple of times. We both went our separate ways, him asking me if I would like to do this again sometime. I mumbled something and told him he knew how to contact me. Obviously.
I drove away completely ambivalent. It wasn't terrible, it wasn't amazing, it was just neutral. And I was thankful that he wasn't a psycho.
Early on Monday morning I had a text from him saying that he did not sense any chemistry between us. If there is ever an example of how important a first date can be, this is it. He went from hot to cold in a matter of hours. And since neither one of us can control chemistry, I texted him back saying I completely agree and wished him luck in finding the right girl.
That was, by far, the best text exchange we had had all weekend.
So, there you have it. One completely underwhelming date under my belt. Even though it was somewhat stressful, I am glad I did it. You always learn something from these experiences. And hopefully he learned how to control his texting thumbs the next time he decides tobombard/completely overwhelm date a girl.
Maybe ambiguity isn't so bad after all.
I figured it was time to update you on the Great Dating Experiment! I am sure you have all wondered how well it is going or how often I have spoke in a southern accent.
SIDE NOTE: I speak in a southern accent when I am nervous. Charming, I know.
It has already been a month and I can officially state for the record that I absolutely do not like online dating.
Yes, it is an exercise in courage.
Yes, it is an exercise in keeping an open mind
Yes, it is an exercise in vulnerability.
And yes, it is an exercise in trying not to be terrified by all the crazy, lazy wacko men out there.
However, I continue to persevere because I do not give up easily and because the site automatically charged my credit card again. Regardless, I am back at it for another month, with a variety of prospective suitors and one date under my belt.
So, let me tell you about this date.
It started last week when a guy, that I later deemed "The Textinator," sent me an email. Now Tex (as we will now call him) was nice and funny and complimentary and pursued me with a refreshing tenacity. On the first day, which was Thursday, after we had chatted that evening, he had already asked me out on a date for Sunday evening.
Let me tell you, I was TOTALLY IMPRESSED with his pursuit. I come from a world where guys my age want to pseudo-date you by asking you to "hang out" and leave you wondering if you are just friends or almost engaged. Ambiguity seems to be the method of choice in the dating world these days.
So when Tex came along and was honest and confident and charming, I was encouraged that this experiment may not be a total bust.
By Friday afternoon, he had texted me at work, asking me if I had a busy weekend. I explained that I had an extremely busy weekend but was looking forward to our date on Sunday. And then we proceeded to text back and forth throughout the day.
By Friday night, however, he had texted me 50 times, asking me if I wanted to hang out before our date. I texted him back saying I was extremely busy but was looking forward to our date on Sunday.
By Saturday, he had texted nearly 100 times, called and left me a message, asking me yet again if I would like to hang out before our date but I told him that I was extremely busy but I would see him on Sunday.
By Sunday morning, he had texted almost 150 times, called again, and again wondered if I would like to hang out before our date. At that point, I didn't even respond. I was beginning to think that this guy was nuts and that perhaps I should bring a stun gun with me. What, exactly, was hard to understand about me being extremely busy? I began to cringe anytime my phone buzzed or beeped.
By the time our date rolled around, I was completely annoyed. All I wanted was for him to to still be breathing and to have a credit card in hand because you can GUARANTEE I was not paying for this meal!
SIDE NOTE: I know you may think that I was crazy for even going on this date. But I agreed to meet him in a busy restaurant while it was still light outside and about 24 people knew where I was and what he looked like.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I had absolutely zero expectations of how this date would unfold. What started off so promising on Thursday night had turned into a depressing texting circus by Sunday evening. However, I wanted to go through with it just to prove to myself that I could handle the dating world. And besides, I had washed my hair and it was looking fantastic.
He had already arrived and he met me at the door. I could tell he was very nervous. I was fairly relaxed because, you know, ZERO EXPECTATIONS, and we sat down at a table and began talking. I was surprised to find that he was much more normal in person than his texts made him out to be and we easily talked about politics, religion and family, two of the three things you should never discuss on a first date. He also told me that he loves tigers and showed me pictures of them on his phone.
So, there's that.
The meal lasted a little over an hour and yes, he did pay for the meal, which I thanked him for a couple of times. We both went our separate ways, him asking me if I would like to do this again sometime. I mumbled something and told him he knew how to contact me. Obviously.
I drove away completely ambivalent. It wasn't terrible, it wasn't amazing, it was just neutral. And I was thankful that he wasn't a psycho.
Early on Monday morning I had a text from him saying that he did not sense any chemistry between us. If there is ever an example of how important a first date can be, this is it. He went from hot to cold in a matter of hours. And since neither one of us can control chemistry, I texted him back saying I completely agree and wished him luck in finding the right girl.
That was, by far, the best text exchange we had had all weekend.
So, there you have it. One completely underwhelming date under my belt. Even though it was somewhat stressful, I am glad I did it. You always learn something from these experiences. And hopefully he learned how to control his texting thumbs the next time he decides to
Maybe ambiguity isn't so bad after all.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Faith Like A Child
And so it has been a year.
***
The other night, as I went back and forth between zoning out to the TV and wrestling with this blue funk I am in, my friend Mandy sent me an email. After I read it, I just sat on the couch and cried. It is definitely something worth sharing.
"Sarah - I wanted to share this story with you:
We were praying for you and your Dad tonight and we usually just pray that Miss Sarah's Dad can come home soon. Tonight James really wanted to know more of a back story. So, I thought I'd explain it based on the movie "The Ballad of Little Joe", so I said, "Remember how in that movie people said mean things that weren't true about Larry and he had to go to jail?" James said yes, so I said, "That's what happened with Miss Sarah's Daddy and so we're just praying he can come home soon."
That's when James' little lower lip started to quiver. "You mean he's in jail?" I could tell he was about to cry, so I said, "Yes, but not like in the movie," I explained how he has an apartment but just can't move home. By this point my son is totally crying in my arms while Katie and I tried to comfort him. I reminded him that even in the movie God had a plan and part of his plan was for Larry to be in jail and in the end he got to be with his family again. And that we know Sarah's Dad will get to go home, we're just praying that it'll be soon.
He was still pretty upset, so I told him that you got to see [your dad] and I showed him your family pictures, by the time we got to the pictures of Noah and Sam he finally perked up :) I forget how sensitive kids can be, especially James, and maybe I told him too much, but his reaction reminded me of why we're supposed to come to Jesus like little children. I know that if this situation broke James' heart, which it did, it breaks God's heart too. And I know that God is listening to all our prayers for your family, even the ones from the littlest hearts."
Amen, sweet friend. Amen.
***
The other night, as I went back and forth between zoning out to the TV and wrestling with this blue funk I am in, my friend Mandy sent me an email. After I read it, I just sat on the couch and cried. It is definitely something worth sharing.
"Sarah - I wanted to share this story with you:
We were praying for you and your Dad tonight and we usually just pray that Miss Sarah's Dad can come home soon. Tonight James really wanted to know more of a back story. So, I thought I'd explain it based on the movie "The Ballad of Little Joe", so I said, "Remember how in that movie people said mean things that weren't true about Larry and he had to go to jail?" James said yes, so I said, "That's what happened with Miss Sarah's Daddy and so we're just praying he can come home soon."
That's when James' little lower lip started to quiver. "You mean he's in jail?" I could tell he was about to cry, so I said, "Yes, but not like in the movie," I explained how he has an apartment but just can't move home. By this point my son is totally crying in my arms while Katie and I tried to comfort him. I reminded him that even in the movie God had a plan and part of his plan was for Larry to be in jail and in the end he got to be with his family again. And that we know Sarah's Dad will get to go home, we're just praying that it'll be soon.
He was still pretty upset, so I told him that you got to see [your dad] and I showed him your family pictures, by the time we got to the pictures of Noah and Sam he finally perked up :) I forget how sensitive kids can be, especially James, and maybe I told him too much, but his reaction reminded me of why we're supposed to come to Jesus like little children. I know that if this situation broke James' heart, which it did, it breaks God's heart too. And I know that God is listening to all our prayers for your family, even the ones from the littlest hearts."
Amen, sweet friend. Amen.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Family Photo Shoot: The Gang
To conclude this walk down the FC family photo shoot lane, I bring you the most normal-looking picture I could find.
Consider this your Christmas card from all of us.
Exhibit E: The Gang
Consider this your Christmas card from all of us.
Exhibit E: The Gang
Feliz Navidad to you and yours!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Family Photo Shoot: The 'Rents
I realize you might be on family photo overload this week. I am sure you are ready for me to talk about cookie dough or glitter or something. But family photo shoots are as rare as me spending time on a treadmill these days so it is only natural that I give these photos their time in the spotlight.
Besides, I am a loss for what else to talk about. My brain is full of political ads and Halloween candy. It's hard to blog about that.
Exhibit D: The 'Rents
The difficulty of this past year pales in comparison to how strong these two really are. Somehow they keep going when the rest of us give up.
They both look so happy and calm and...
*BOOM!*
The stealth bomber strikes again.
Someone get that kid a hobby.
Besides, I am a loss for what else to talk about. My brain is full of political ads and Halloween candy. It's hard to blog about that.
Exhibit D: The 'Rents
The difficulty of this past year pales in comparison to how strong these two really are. Somehow they keep going when the rest of us give up.
There is not greater example of marriage than these two.
There is also no greater example of coordinating your outfits than these two.
Way to rock it, parents.
The stealth bomber strikes again.
Someone get that kid a hobby.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Family Photo Shoot: Dad and His Girls
I can't tell you how much I love these two pictures.
And yes, I am totally biased. And perhaps a bit of an ego-maniac.
I am okay with that.
When I asked Noah if Claire and I looked alike, he said we had the same teeth and eyebrows.
I love that kid.
And yes, I am totally biased. And perhaps a bit of an ego-maniac.
I am okay with that.
Exhibit C: Dad and His Girls
When I asked Noah if Claire and I looked alike, he said we had the same teeth and eyebrows.
I love that kid.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Family Photo Shoot: Father and Son
The next set of pictures highlight two of my most favorite people: Ferris Bueller and his offspring.
As you can see, they are a special twosome, full of love and laughter and mischief.
But let's be honest, they are also very weird.
Which means I am related to 'very weird.'
And we wonder why I am single.
Without further ado...
Exhibit B: Father and Son
Things started off great.
They were happy and smiley and normal.
And then...well...
Very south.
As in you-might-want-to-count-how-many-toes-you-have south.
What exactly are they thinking right now?
Sam looks like he ate a bad bean burrito and Noah looks like a jack-o-lantern.
Not normal.
I am questioning my genetics.
I give up.
As you can see, they are a special twosome, full of love and laughter and mischief.
But let's be honest, they are also very weird.
Which means I am related to 'very weird.'
And we wonder why I am single.
Without further ado...
Exhibit B: Father and Son
They were happy and smiley and normal.
And then...well...
...things began to head south.
Very south.
As in you-might-want-to-count-how-many-toes-you-have south.
What exactly are they thinking right now?
Sam looks like he ate a bad bean burrito and Noah looks like a jack-o-lantern.
Not normal.
I am questioning my genetics.
I give up.
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