My Run-In with the Closet

So my battle with Daylight Savings Time is still going strong. And I am sad to say that I appear to be losing.

Who knew one stupid little hour could cause me to look and feel like a train wreck? And don't get me started on my work productivity. I feel like some college student who stayed out all night partying and stumbles into work with twigs in their hair. Sometimes I just catch myself staring at my computer screen and there are literally ZERO thoughts that go through my mind while I do it. I don't think that is normal.

SIDE NOTE: People, I didn't have the energy to party like that in college so trying to do that at 31 is almost physically impossible. And thankfully I haven't found any twigs in my hair...yet.

The other night I went to bed early to try to balance out my wonky sleep schedule. By 12:30 I was still wide awake. So I did what I never, ever do unless I am traveling: I took an Ambien. Oh glorious Ambien. I love them so much.

So I popped the sucker in and swallowed it down and just sat there waiting for it to take effect. I texted Claire, who was just on the other side of my apartment, to let her know that I had just swallowed a pill that has been known to dramatically alter my speech and agility. Besides, I always feel like it is a good idea to tell someone when you take narcotics.

She hollered back to say she was still awake so I walked across the living room to her bedroom and crawled in bed with her. We talked about the streetlight outside of her window, our desire for new wardrobes and boys. Actually, it was mostly about boys.

After about 20 minutes I began to notice that my body had suddenly become extremely light and aerodynamic. Also my speech had become a bit slurred, the tell-tale sign of the Ambien working its magic. So Claire prodded my shoulder and said "It's hit. Get up. Go back to your room. Otherwise I'll go sleep in your bed."

SIDE NOTE: After 27 years of being sisters, we have realized that we are much better friends if we do NOT share a bedroom or a bathroom. This discovery has been life-changing for both of us.

So I obeyed. And because I felt so light and aerodynamic, I threw off the covers and launched myself onto the floor where I immediately walked straight into her closet.

Not one of my finer moments.

Claire just sat there and said "Where did you go?"

Apparently I mumbled something about having too much momentum and fought my way out of a row of hangers. Claire then proceeded to fish me out of her closet and walk me back to my room, which I have ZERO recollection of doing. She said that I walked really fast and almost ran into our couch but at the last moment I swerved and somehow ended up in my bed. It's a minor miracle, my friends.

And for this very reason, I never take an Ambien on airplanes because who knows what kind of closet I could fall into or who would fish me out it. It really isn't worth that kind of international embarrassment.

So all of this to say, I am a bit sluggish. How about you?